It means you’ve got snakes on your plane.

Some people just want to watch the world burn.

I get a lot of my protein by spooning peanut butter directly into my mouth. But garbanzo beans are good too.

That’s what I’m playing now! ...How’d you know? There’d better be another quiz after I’m done. Decisions give me hives!

Wario Stadium is nice but I prefer Waluigi Stadium from Double Dash. I like dodging the giant fake piranha plants.

I’m going with the Granny Weatherwax strategy and just naming any future kid You.

So... truck nuts for your vagina then. Finally.

Alec Baldwin’s favorite thing to do is “nothing.” I highly doubt that. [NYDN]

You sound like a bird person. Do you own a bird?

Pyrophobia. Cops, not unlike Frankenstein’s monster, are all deathly afraid of fire. Just a little white people secret I’m letting you in on at great risk to myself.

Look, racist scumbags, I get that in your heads it’s still the 1800s but we have flashlights now. There’s no need to be a fire hazard.

Journalist and The Root contributor ReBecca Theodore-Vachon expressed expressed this very sentiment in a video she posted to her Twitter feed. “Y’all are good with dragons,” Theodore-Vachon said. “Y’all are good with magic. When it comes to black people ... no, I do not trust you.”

I assume it works just like Pet Sematary. The cars come back to life and kill those closest to them.

That’s not how Minecraft works! That’s not how any of this works!

I totally thought you were referring to Jimmy Fallon.

If they get rid of Penny Arcade how are people going to show they’re too cool to like Penny Arcade?

Once when I was a teenager a young woman we didn’t know left a message on our answering machine for her boyfriend, who we also didn’t know, that made it pretty clear she decided to have an abortion.

...whenyour friend whips out their phone and says, “I’m ‘gramming this!”

Time to get some gold star stickers and start rating my friends and family members. I’m sure they’ll appreciate it. Except for one-star Karl.