The 13-year-old boy would take the half and a full portion. At least that's how my brothers ate.

I wish my lost words were replaced with such creative substitutes. Mine are usually “That thing, over there, that does that stuff.”

Yep, I think birthing ruined my brain for good. Most other women complain about not getting their pre-baby body back but the good thing about being fat anyway is pregnancy doesn't really ruin much in that arena.

It looks like someone put eggs and shrimp and random other shit and poured epoxy over it. Like, it should be really bizzare pop-art, not anything to actually be consumed any longer.

Ding ding ding!

The Olympic swimming trials were in my hometown so that’s pretty exciting. I haven’t lived there for over a decade but still pretty cool to see on a national stage, so to speak.

Holy shit, dude! That's quite the run-around you've gotten this far. Hope you get some good answers and thus relief soon.

My understanding is that 2nd children potty train easier/faster than 1st ones. I wouldn’t know from personal experience and don’t care to find out. You’re braver than I.

IDK, why do assholes do anything? I'd still check the account where your Netflix is paid from, though.

An excellent skill to have! Good luck! And congrats on the “grown-up” job!

It's been several years since I've been able to shop at NY&C but their coupons seem to be very generous once you get going with them. If forgotten about them!

Oh, and it’s either the letting ‘em run around and piss and shit all over the floor (I have hard flooring except for area rugs but Hale Naw!) or an ad for pull-ups.

Seems more pronounced to me if they’re asking a question like “What does this mean for Chiner?” since the inflection goes up.

Sounds like you got hacked.

I’m not into swimming or boating or the like. I told someone recently that water is for drinking and cleaning.

Clearance racks at department stores? If you’re not in “special sizes” (like plus or tall or petite) you might be able to find decent stuff at second-hand stores in the more affluent parts of town. Or maybe consignment shops. The only reason I make the special sizes comment is that I have such a hard time finding…

The various reporters on BBC World radio do it. I honestly hadn’t noticed it before listening to that station. After that, I realized that Imogen Heap does it, too (“sawr” for “saw”).

I did some dishes and attempted to play Wii with our 3 year old. Only semi productive and really frustrating. But I still can't complain about a 3-day weekend.

They drop R’s when they’re supposed to be there but add them when something ends in “a” so they say “Obamer” and “Chiner.” I'm so confused.

Aw, c’mon you actually read the comments somewhere other than Jez? Why would you do that to yourself?