Before I even clicked to see what the picture was, I was hoping “Please let it be Scrooge McDuck swimming in his money... pleasepleaseplease.”

I asked my coworker, Tim Brady, what he thought about Trump and his plans for Muslims, and he told me to get the fuck out of his cubicle. Also I’m not a reporter. Can I still have $100?

I was backstage at a RHCP concert, for which STP opened in 2000 (had backstage passes). I lit his smoke and we stood and talked, just him and I, for about 30 minutes while watching the RHCP set from behind. I can confirm that indeed he had a guy to follow him around. Amazing. I told him that people were mainly there…

The metal community has always been very inclusive. Proud to be metal, and happy these people had a chance to thrash the night away.

That was so good, I wish I could say “I peed a little.”

Old white men yell at things.

Holy shit! Is that Curly from the Three Stooges? Does this guy never get old?

Sausage. Duh.

No. No. “Truthers” do not get to destroy the possibility of future life saving techniques over a video edited to purposefully misinform them. How does this happen? How do people watch one video and decide "this is it, this is the truth" when there are hundreds that disprove it. Fuck it, I'm going to make a new truth.…

I’ve found that”hey, wanna throw a load in me?” works every time.

Why do I think that you’re not speaking extemporaneously?

Half cocked.

So loaded and ready to go off the moment you squeeze it gently?

This only happened to me once, I was pregnant at the time. When he came and filled my mouth, it triggered a really nasty gag reflex. Up came my last meal along with his contribution, all over both of us. He immediately picked me up and carried me to the bathroom and tried to take care of me. I was screaming to get the…

Tough but fair.

The candidates will be inflating their jowls as a display of dominance to the pack.

I heard he had several chicks on the side.

me, irl, rn

A hot hammy