I was going to push a jade egg up my chocha and then saw a picture of Attractive Gwyneth Paltrow and said: aw hell no. I’m just going to wait for an uglier, less successful woman to sell me an expensive, one-way ticket to vaginal bacteria-palooza.

why Vanessa Freaking Hudgens is a JUDGE on So You Think You Can Dance?!?!?

No snark, but I’m really glad Ben and Jen are staying friends. It’s gotta be good for the kids to know that mom and dad still like each other.

Imagine how hard up you’d have to be to marry her?

In order to volunteer at any of the schools in our school district, you have to fill out an application which includes permission for them to do a background check. I am of the hope that ‘former serial killer’ would preclude someone from volunteering.

Helicopter parenting is bad and you can’t shelter them from bad stuff in the world too much but I feel like “I don’t want my children interacting with a known serial killer” is a fairly reasonable request?

I feel the rage has been blown way out of proportion, but obviously the right wing needs something to be outraged about since Russia is sucking theirs away. This does not in anyway compare to the racist effigies/threats Obama dealt and still deals with. I saw this is as performance art, and it is bad only because…

I think she’s just aware of how deeply self-obsessed both Kris and Caitlin are. I’m not convinced that two percent is an inaccurate gauge of how important their children are to that former couple.

Show of hands: who now wants to see a picture of this agent?

She’s trying way too hard (and this is a woman known for trying too hard) and it’s uncomfortable to watch.

No. Audrey never had it that short. She had a cute pixie cut. Katy is looking like she’s auditioning for Full Metal Jacket.

Katy Perry is having a mid-life crisis.

Agreed on both counts. I don’t get Jezebel’s love for Perry, she’s mediocre on every level.

she can’t sing either

Yeah, no. They’re suing to protect all the Joshes of the world.

It seems like people kinda like the song, but I think it’s terrible. Like it’s so bad. It’s not even the actual beat or melody, but the lyrics are just so basic. A 12 year old could have wrote it.

You really are. Millennials get a lot of flack but you are pushing the envelope, hard, and not putting up with the same misguided unspoken precepts which my generation simply accepted in silence. You question everything, and think critically and profoundly as to all aspects of society. You are committed to equality…

I’m 31 and I feel like, given enough tequila shots, I’d still do it.

America doesn’t deserve a sweetheart right now.