I'm a virgin past the age at which it is statistically common to be a virgin and the only thing that really bothers me about it is that apparently I can't actually use my virginity to summon unicorns. I feel cheated.

Puppet in Ventriloquist?

I think the standard should be, "If an adult made this request or stated this preference, would you honor it?" For instance, most adults have a few foods that they don't like to eat, and that is reasonable. If I were cooking for someone who hated mushrooms, I would be happy to avoid mushrooms to please them. …

I thought I was clicking on creepypasta.

Jesus! Not to face-shame but that top photo is fucking scary - like Halloween Kardashian. Subsequent photos were less disturbing but that top one was terrifying.

I wonder if girls used to think "Well, it's photoshopped so I'm good" and now they're thinking "OH SHIT THAT IS NOT PHOTOSHOPPED FUCK THIS COOKIE I CAN'T"

The internet offers many recipes, but I am partial to this one.

MARRIAGE IS A SACRED INSTITUTION BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN AND A REALITY TV PRODUCER! CATS AND DOGS! LIVING TOGETHER! THINK OF THE CHILDREN! PEARL CLUTCH! SODOMY! JESUS CAKE!

I know its supremely un-yoga of me, but I am so delighted by the Bikram fall-from-grace. I know lots of people love it, and good for them, but its a fucking hoax - you actually burn LESS calories than if you were to do a super-sweaty practice (like Vinyasa-based or Ashtanga yoga) and the sweat comes not from the…

People will be surprised to know that I was the one who brought up clown porn to Tracy during a group discussion at a crowded restaurant. I'm just mentioning it again because I don't think Tracy gave it enough space in her post.

I hate the mad rush to the gate when they announce that the plane is boarding. If you are not in Zone 1, do not crowd the front and prevent Zone 1'ers from getting to the attendant! We are all gonna get on the flight.

Aaw, petal. Have you had a bump on the head? Go lie down.

Awesome. I went to a Catholic high school in his archdiocese as well. When my alma mater called me for a donation, I turned them down citing the $650,000 the archdiocese paid to try banning same-sex marriage. Also pointed out that I learned something called "separation of church and state" at their school.

story time:

My conservative friends on Facebook are essentially frothing at the mouth because I'm celebrating all the protests against the ruling. Thank you Massachusetts, thank you Missouri, and thank you Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, for giving me my daily dose of entertainment, and standing up for women's rights! Peace be to…

See!! #NotAllChristians