Illuminati

This was sad, lousy, cliched, manipulative, insulting and just an outright waste of time. Only came thrice.

2054 AC (Always Christ)
The non-believers have taken over. Christians are being rounded and sent to internment camps. The lucky ones are killed, but the survivors face a more sadistic fate; brainwashing by the teachings of das Führer Richard Dawkins (played by whatever '90s star needs to feed his kids). Hope is dead…
but…

Fuck an Ultimate cut, I want a HARDCORE CUT (SPOILERS):
-The Waynes corpses are sexually violated in front of young Bruce
-Alfred helps old Bruce mainline smack
-Superman snuffs out suffering survivors after the congress explosion
-Another twenty minutes of Supes saving people ominously
-We find out Jimmy Olsen left behind…

This is sad, revolting, insulting and endlessly disturbing. Only came twice.

Sounds like a helluva pitch for Spotlight 2.

But guys, The Revenant was so hard to make! It was so cold, they had to wear coats! DiCaprio sniffled almost three times! Why Academy, WHY?!?!?! REAL CINEMA SHOULD BE AWARDED!!!!!

Because America was obsessed with The Naked Gun in the 90s. It was the only thing people were talking about. The stars were the biggest stars in the world, Leslie Nielson and OJ would trade the title of sexiest man alive (a title that Juice still maintained after his acquittal). So naturally, when one of the stars was…

I'm sorry, but where the fuck was Johnny Drama's win for HYDE?!?!?!

I guess The Ridiculous 6 didn't get screeners out in time to be considered.

I'm sure there's a Showtime exec that agrees.

"bottling the smell of sex"? I'm pretty sure that Odeon did that years ago with their revolutionary Sex Panther.

You might even say that she's living her own, American Horror Story. (Takes a bow, rides off into the sunset)

I don't know. I'm pretty sure that Robert Durst was quoted as saying
"What the hell did I do?…Killed them all of course, all for the Nookie."

"But Peter and Wendy never had sex." !?!? Someone call Harvey Weinstein, I think we've finally cracked the plot of Finding Neverland 2.

Man, that Norman Bates sure is a ladykiller.

These damn kids and their love of Foxcatcher, Whiplash, Selma… wait, what!?!?

I read a story about The Following on TV Guide. One commenter stated that it was the "BEST SHOW EVER!!!", and a spambot replied. This is the only time I've agreed with a spambot ever.

Because even racists can concede that it is, in fact, hard out here for a pimp.

I can't wait for the episode when a Martian goes to a strip club, fuck all the hot bitches, plays beer pong with his bros, and beat the shit out of some nerd for looking faggy with some sweet kung fu, all while farting. Oh wait, that'll be every episode. SPIKE TV.