"The Dark Knight Rises was just a big mess."

I resolve to stop masturbating to ISIS videos.

I don't think you've ever done PCP.

I think what made Bad Santa so charming was that it's a weird Terry Zwigoff flick, even with forced changes by the studio. I don't think this team will be able to capture the spirit of the original.

This looks like fucking dogshit. Is that guy doing an Andrew Lincoln impression? Why is Jesse not acting like Jesse? Who thought this would be a good idea? And why will you morons eat this shit up like you did with The Walking Pleb?

There you have it folks, it's confirmed: piracy doesn't affect studios much. Now I don't feel so bad about my terabyte of pirated material.

All of my friends are out of town. Anyone want to go to this with some random stranger from the AV Club's comment section?

You're nowhere.