I’m sendin you to Jesus

“Is this Lenny? Hey, Lenny, SUCK MY COCK!” And that was locker room talk.

I went out for a while with a girl who liked calling me Daddy. It was the hottest four months of my life interspersed with a truly awful two years.

The Christian Hackenberg Experience

and it’s not like he specified sport or age group. All things relative, the 2008 Round Rock Youth League 9-11 year old Pumas Field Hockey team was a woeful collection of singularly untalented hacks unfit to even be on the field with the other teams.

he almost certainly will never campaign for office ever again, and will be lucky to live more than another year

Enough of these distractions and stick to important information. The Press, nay, the nation deserve to know: Mr. Scaramucci, how far can the President punt a football?

you da real mgd

I’m glad you remember, because Ronnie sure didn’t.

The Yankees Are Struggling To Put Butts In Seats

It’s ok, I got free tickets in 2 weeks because my daughter’s choir is singing the anthem at SafeCo.

I’m an Islanders fan, and I no one can tell me that the Nassau Coliseum wasn’t the best damn place to watch a playoff hockey game in the known universe. I say this only to say that that’s what the Nashville crowd reminds me of, and it makes my heart happy.

Ah, but this rule isn’t meant to attack them. They’re just the vehicle by which the real damage will be done. This is something other powers have done through history. We’ve seen it happen. We know where it comes from and where it goes.

Word of advice: Don’t say this around a guy named Hank Hill. He’s in the habit of kicking asses over stuff like that.

“but at one point he accused me of trying to “educate him””

Well how fucking DARE you. 

I’ve never thought this was particularly weird, but everyone seems to wrinkle their noses or more when I eat smoked salmon on a cinnamon raisin bagel (with plain cream cheese). The salty and sweet flavors together are excellent. If you’re still taking suggestions, I’d highly recommend this apparently unusual combo.…

Confused look on his face, lightbulb in one hand, scratching his head with the other?

Hold on. Hold on. Hold. The. Fuck. On.

Am I to understand the water is not turning the frogs gay?

This reminds me of how douche canoes act when they’ve trapped you in a situationship. “Oh wait, you interpreted my sweet nothings and faux commitment literally? That’s weird. I’m going to tell everyone you’re crazy.”