Maybe if we put bikini pics of Ivanka in the intelligence memo he’d read it.

Daddy never pulls out when it comes to Ivanka. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  

I love Diet Coke. LOVE it. But I was not that interested in trying these until my fiance asked me to buy them. So I got the lime and orange since I was skeptical of mango and cherry’s been done.

Pepsico is foolish. Everyone knows women don’t eat chips! We only eat yogurt and salad, while laughing.

David Clarke can give him some fashion tips. Maybe loan him a few “medals”.

Because freedom or some shit.

B...b...b....but SOCIALISM!!!!!!1

Random Capitalization, spaces between a word and its punctuation , and the use of commas for,,,,ellipses

My mom had some sort of diet Nutty Bars that were fantastic. All I remember is they came in a blue box.

I’m in my mid-30s and my biological clock is out of batteries, it seems. I’ve never had the itching desire to have children, and I’m of the opinion that if you aren’t passionate about having them you probably shouldn’t.

I will never not star a Mark Trail reference.

Rode hard and put away wet, as the saying goes.

I got a hepatitis test, I got 2 A’s, a B and a C.

You should watch the Jaboody Dubs version of this commercial. I’d link but at work :(

It’s time for me to be a nerd and admit I have a stamp collection. The USPS (unfortunately) will issue a memorial stamp when the malignant mango finally, blessedly leaves the planet. I will be leaving that spot blank.

How can you have any [ice cream] if you don’t eat your [burned steak with ketchup]?

I googled it before I read your comment - 71.6

I have a Christian, libertarian friend who’s been a never-Trumper from day one. He posted a meme on FB about the same people who thought Obama was Muslim think Trump is Christian. The first response? “XYZ, only God knows what’s in Trump’s heart and it’s not up to us to judge...”

They turned words like “liberal” into an insult, and even “Merry Christmas” this past year didn’t feel so much like a greeting than a poke in the eye.

Not to mention Wal-Mart is where the majority of food stamps are spent. So it’s like they’re getting paid twice.