Right? Kellyanne’s anti-drug advice should be: “LOOK at me and LISTEN to me, dammit. Good, now don’t do drugs.”

Yep.

This from a creature who clearly sustains life on a diet of box wine and prozac.

I’m so down for anything with Kate McKinnon in it and I don’t hate Mila Kunis, so I will watch this some day.

I am pretty sure there won’t be LIBRARIES on a SNOWPIERCER TRAIN stuffed with SOYLENT. Please stop living in the past?

I chose taxes because they provide INFRASTRUCTURE. So congrats on having your phone bill paid—public schools and libraries are now DEAD (along with the middle class and public transit).

Stormy (and her very savvy lawyer) are playing this masterfully and might just be the dark horse compliment to Mueller that we need. The Russia stuff is convulted, it has a hundred tendrils associated to hundreds of different people and it can be hard for Trump voters to understand. Plus, much of the GOP is complicit…

Unqualified lesbian? Is... is there a test? Do you need a certification? A license?

Ugh of course he is! I could imagine him modeling in a few years. He has like, perfect bone structure. And the name Finn wolfhard is the most model-y stylish celeb name ever.

One of them is named “Finn Wolfhard”. You lost that battle the second that name was created

I consider the people who invented indoor plumbing to be some of the greatest people in the history of the world.

My prediction: No More Student Loan Debt is going to win the whole thing.

There are a lot of parents of dead children(and some dead parents) who would have said “My kids would never touch a gun just laying out.” Kids do things they were taught not to do all the time. Even good kids with good parents. Usually the worst result is a pregnancy or an appearance in Juvenile court. That’s the…

Nah, still fuck the NRA.

Fuck guns and fuck the NRA and fuck anyone who supports the NRA.

...is this the part where you assure me that you would’ve voted for Obama a third time, while you silently auction my body off to the highest bidder, under the guise of not being racist but secretly it is racist?

Trump won because America is racist.

The Splinter News version of this article will basically be the same, only with more demanding Hillary Clinton shut the fuck up, live in a hole in Siberia and never talk about anything political ever again. It will be written by a white woman who has no concept of irony of why it’s so dangerous to insist someone…

Theres literally no possible explanation for this other than racism. Why would you need extra certification to do something that doesnt involve chemicals or anything? Frankly Im shocked more states dont have shit like this on the books

Just another sneaky way to take money from Black people for being Black.