Hey, what's with all the gay jokes? Is NPH gay or something?

MAKE IT STOOOOOOP! KILL IT WITH FIRE!

I really have to start watching the links I click on from my dad's Facebook page when I've been drinking.

Fucking hell, I posted on Breitbart?

I never thought I would get tired of seeing Kerry Washington, but between this and SNL's 40th Anniversary show I'm pretty burned out on her being in these places for no good reason.

I'm still figuring out how it works, could you let me know? Meanwhile I'll be over here finishing this delicious Irish whiskey.

"I fucked your dad, I know what it looks like to be pinned under a sweaty man wearing too much hair pomade."

Keep an eye on ME? I'm the one tied up! Give the taser to Emma!

We interrupt this broadcast of people fawning over prestige movies to bring you "Insurgent".

I'm here because I want Emma Stone to tie me up and do painful things to me.

For every cogent Robin Roberts question, there are three vapid ones from Lara Spencer.

"Giuliana, what are you wearing besides zero body fat?"
#AskHerMore

"How many heels do you own that are worth more than the GDP of a small African country?"
#AskHerMore

"The Great Escape 2: J-Lo's Mammaries"

#AmbidextrousOnanist

"Who are you wearing, and who are you fucking?"
#AskHerMore

The little lights aren't twinkling, Clark.

Interviewer: "Your daughter was great in this softcore porn movie, even in the scenes where she's not fucking!"

The Imitation of Everything is pretty much a working subtitle for every Hollywood movie.

Good picks.