My five favorite films of 2014:
1. Nightcrawler
2. Calvary
3. The Babadook
4. Two Days, One Night
5. The LEGO Movie

They really put this one on a tee, didn't they?

This morning I took my young children to the grocery store just after churches let out, and let them push their own small carts, just so I can remind myself that there is something more aggravating than two hours of Giuliana Rancic interviews.

Even worse news: There's going to be a third season of Orange Is The New Black.

I'm so fucking depressed that Chris McQuarrie is directing this. How far has this guy fallen off since The Usual Suspects?

It seems foregone at this point that Birdman is going to win. The real mystery at this point seems to be whether Linklater will be able to pull out a Best Director win or if Birdman's momentum will carry over to Innaritu (who's already won the DGA).

Nice to see some love for K-Pax. One of my favorites.

The Manchurian Candidate in general got cheated out of a lot of deserved nominations. The opening scene remains one of the most powerful and impressive in all of film.

Forrest Gump hasn't necessarily aged well, but Hanks earned that Oscar for the scene when he first meets his son alone.

I'd argue that the hardest split is the 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 split—-because, honestly, if you didn't hit anything the first fucking time chances are you suck.

Any argument that this is a cultural critique of anything is pure wankery. Sometimes signal noise is just signal noise.

*enters comments*
*sees plethora of Jerry Lewis jokes*

Minority Report is magnificent, but I'm detecting zero percent whimsy, Captain.

Haha, don't sweat it. I got the reference, and anyone who's that easily offended on AV Club should probably find a new hobby.

Vaughn's sensibilities are far too transgressive and frenetic for a classic vehicle like Indy.

I just fucked myself and while enjoying my post-coital vape thought I would take the time to inform you that Catch Me If You Can is still overrated.

Wingard could be interesting.

Oversaturation of Cumberbatch sounds like a rare metabolic disorder.

There were times during Crystal Skull where it honestly felt like Spielberg was just having a piss with the audience. Almost like, "Hey, you asked for this shit." The very first scene comes to mind, where the Paramount mountain segues to….a literal fucking molehill.

I like the idea of Pratt, though I think Bradley Cooper is far more suited to the role. Spielberg, though—as much as I love his work—-is a bad idea. Ever since he made Schindler's List, Spielberg has had the yips when it comes to making a film with even an inkling of whimsy. Let's let him continue to make the serious…