Once I was looking for the Chipotle on Melrose and she directed me there with aplomb.

Friends and I used to say "Why ask why? Try Budd Dwyer."

Gotcha, but with all the words available to us in the English language, you'd think we could have come up with a term that was a little less reminiscent of "colored people".

While we're on this subject, can someone explain to me why "people of color" is currently the most acceptable way to refer to non-whites, while "colored people" remains one of the most unacceptable? I have never been able to figure this one out.

The Atlantic has a good article about this stuff: http://www.theatlantic.com/…

I once settled into Dabney Coleman while M. Emmet Walsh settled into me. Not as fun as it sounds. In fact, it was traumatizing. :(

Everybody has that problem: "I don't like either candidate running for President this year, so I'm not voting on that or on the 20 other races, propositions, etc. on my ballot, even though the latter affect me more directly and my vote counts more."

An old friend of my wife's used to mistakenly say "You know something? Chicken butt."

Tell me about it. I just microwaved some leftovers for lunch and the center was cold! Also my fingernails are too long.

Here's what I could find:

To save that last little bit of Africa that he hadn't gotten to yet.

It wasn't just the scene itself that was so horrifying, it was all the little haunting details they added afterwards. Like how, long after the area had been cleared, Bayley was still just sitting around shellshocked and nobody had talked to him. Or that when someone finally drove him home, you could see by the house…

I met my wife on Adult Friend Finder. She responded to my ad: "SWM, New in Town, Seeking Human Toilet".

Deal or No Deal

Damn right, those 50 stars on our flag are actually 50 puckering assholes.

Although Peter Criss once sissy-slapped him while in cat makeup.

Deep (Puncture Wound in the) Throat

There's a naked woman in it, which automatically makes it better than Hook.

First, there is still one Sambo's left, in Santa Barbara, so it doesn't totally count as defunct.

My hometown is littered with random businesses located in what were obviously old Red Barns.