"Being hard [in the penis] is really easy if you don't know the underbelly of what [prostitute you're having sex with]."

Sometimes I think, Man, it would be great to meet some of these people face-to-face, they're hilarious! then I realize it's just a fantasy - at least 80 of the most prolific posters here are all the same guy, that is, me.

"Here's one Carol you'll be singing this Christmas – singing its praises!"
– Gene Shalit, to himself, alone in his living room

What's he going to do with all that honey? Just give it away?

Remember when people were concerned that Lupita Nyong'o, even post-Oscar, was having trouble finding roles? I guess Disney decided to solve that problem single-handedly. Now if only they could find decent work for Barkhad Abdi…

I think J.J. Abrams has enough clout in Hollywood to be able to request practical effects on his own, like a big boy, and isn't merely the puppet of an unusually generous and insightful studio marketing department.

The Sarlacc poops through a wormhole.

I think the "A" now stands for "Arthritis".

Dammit, and I'm still in the middle of rendering my Hateful Eight/Eight Crazy Nights mashup! My summer is ruined.

What will it take for Norman Reedus to get rid of his Oasis-circa-2002 haircut?

Agreed. I've seen Cloud Atlas three times and I think it's a genuinely great film. The only thing I can see people having a problem with is the makeup, or maybe the odd dialect that Tom Hanks speaks in the Zachry story (and you can blame the book's author David Mitchell for that). Otherwise, I sincerely don't…

*farts from behind*

You're a nerd.

Whoa, whoa - greatest cast? I think you're forgetting about The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, my friend.

My friend was the 14-year-old boy.

Here's my Jeffrey Jones story: Years ago I was visiting a friend in New York and we went out to breakfast. Jones was at the same restaurant, alone, eating. As we left, my friend said, "I'm gonna go talk to him." So he went up to Jones and said, "Mr. Jones, I just wanted to say, Beetlejuice is one of my all-time…

You could also have Meryl Streep scream "A dude ate my baby!"

I saw Armed and Dangerous with a friend who just got dumped by his girlfriend and wanted to see a comedy with me to make him feel better. After the movie was over, he said "Now I feel worse."

Blake Edwards should have called it a day after Victor Victoria.

Punch-Drunk, Butt-Fuck Love