I once hung out with a very drunk and angry Jay Baruchel at a bus stop one evening last February, and he was all, "Fuck that 'Judd Apatow Players' bullshit. I'm the talent. I'm the talent." Then he sullenly climbed aboard the 754 and shot me a heartbreaking final glance through a graffiti-carved window as the bus…

Even more mysterious: He was in his sixties at the time.

The Preemie Who Knew Too Much

If you'd also like to option my screenplay, in which a quintet of Special Olympians must overcome their differences in order to save mankind, PM me.

Does this mean Dr. Strange gets to time-travel?

Well, yeah. There have always been many reasons besides quality why some films get recognized by Oscar and others don't. Mostly it's in the campaigning, sometimes it's what's in vogue at the time, sometimes Academy voters owe a particular producer or executive a favor, or feel that someone is "due" their award.

Planet of the Apes was an enormous commercial and critical success, with an A-list star, director and screenwriters. It was nominated for 2 Oscars and won an honorary one for makeup. (They didn't have a makeup Oscar back then.) And it made way more money than Oliver! at the box office. It was one of the movie events…

F Troop: The Storch Trials

This film could be good, but the title is so, so bad.

Don't forget Planet of the Apes and Once Upon a Time in the West.

I did too! The idea is that Quell is a mad dog and that his "master" Dodd puts him through these repetitive training sessions in an attempt to tame him. The title really does give it away, as do several specific scenes and Phoenix's performance in general.

I would absolutely see that!

It's just my California way of speaking. I think winning $10 million in the lottery would also be all right.

Stop trying to make Josh Gad happen! He's not going to happen!

Jake Gyllenhaal's all right, and I enjoy the occasional boxing movie, but from the first moment I heard about Southpaw, I've had zero interest in seeing it. It's like the film's marketing campaign has been, "Gyllenhaal plays a boxer… does anyone give a shit?" Hell, I have more curiosity about Pixels.

Wait - you want to pay me $120 to bang your wife?

A Rainbow in the Dark.

I have used the line "Are you hot, mama? You sure look that way to me" to pick up women, and it absolutely works. But only with women over 50.

She's playing head games.

At first I thought this title was Brian on Fire. I'd see that. Regardless of the Brian.