I love being able to follow the Bill Simmons chronicles simply by coming to Deadspin. This highly newsworthy figure is definitely worthy of the 24/7 scrutiny.

We can guarantee this won’t be anything because it’s not the Patriots. The sooner you admit it was a blow-up at a specific team and not for anything grounded in reality, the quicker we can get back to scheduled programming.

And it’s all meaningless if the Warriors decide they’re not wasting another year - the last year of the big 4? - screwing around. 

+1 Garth

Bugs never did anything to anyone else first. Chuck Jones made it central to the character.

The one where he was the best player on the court, or the other one where he was the best player on the court?

Broke, as in couldn’t afford more albuterol?

The fanbase made up of everyone anti-Patriots has them covered, and then some. Most in Boston not actively involved in sports radio couldn’t care. 

He won’t explain why to Shank. 

That might be LeBron’s greatest move. If he did it deliberately.

Which secret shrine at DS HQ is in the bigger closet, Simmons’s or Barstool’s? Or are they merely drawers in a gigantic Boston one?

He pronounces it ‘Federer’.

Is Lochte our dumbest human of all time?

More relevant for a football coach - ask him what formations and packages were out there for those plays and how they differed from other plays of similar down/distance. Every single coach in the league should be able to do what he did.

Papa stans?

He was allowed to maul players. As for the stickum, glue won’t matter if you’re never thrown at.

Let’s see Lewis hide in the corner while someone else wins the championship for him. Then let’s see it happen again.

Schnatter in that context sounds like an insult, something akin to santorum

Van Cleave told John Oliver, straight-faced, “the US has a very high number of guns, therefore there is going to be more chances for somebody to be killed with a gun” as his argument against gun legislation reform. If you think he was in on this, he has you covered.

Just call her a bitch and finish by saying the head of the queue is no place for a woman.