i mean, until he’s under contract on the purchase, anyone could swoop in and snatch her out from under his nose

This saddens me. Now there is literally no way he’ll see the inside of a jail cell.

This is not her native language, she’s not used to public speaking, and it was broadcast internationally. Give her a break.

that piano effect is everything

Wait why does Aaron Carter still need a website, who is checking for him?

yeah dude, it’s sickening. Occassionally, I’ll meet one of those twerps that responds to this shit and my overachieving ass will be like - but perhaps we should bathe in the glow of each other’s minds?? and then i’m like LOL NO - i love hashtags and vapid bullshit too much. Let’s talk about that!!!!

A girl I knew slept with (and dated on and off for years, all dependent on when he wanted her) a guy who told her that “her mind was an open book that he wanted to devour.” Spoiler alert: he turned out to be one of the worst people I’ve ever met.

when i was 15 i called a boy “magnetic” in an email and the memory of it still makes me want to barf

Definitely but I still want one and nothing will change my mind.

If the FDA would like to recommend a better way to eat my feelings I’d love to hear it.

I’m a medical malpractice attorney. Google pretty much thinks I’m pregnant and addicted to every known substance with every kind of cancer plus heart disease and ischemic and hemorrhagic strokes at the same time. Also, I am dead.

I know two names in this dirt bag. They both belong to dead people.

If it’s not dangerous to remove the plug then why does that hole look so shocked?

I didn’t fuck with Delilah until I moved to NYC and now I fully associate her with late-night fruit and vegetable shopping and I’m so into it. Everyone should know the surreal pleasure of browsing battered tomatoes at 10pm under fluorescent lights while listening to Delilah talk about feelings.

I’m pretty sure you’re out of the greys once I reply to you, but yeah, this whole case has made me sick. And hello friend!

SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE RIBEYE

Remember, he’s not an athlete who made a mistake: he’s a criminal who can swim.

I’ll support Brock Turner the Rapist for the Olympics if it means he contracts Zika, becomes sterile, and then dies when I stab him in the face with a red hot poker.

The ribeye turns to ashes in his mouth.