You are describing the plot of You’ve Got Mail.

I call bullshit.  There’s no way she’d have been able to get away from that thing with such huge brass ovaries.  She’d have sunk to the bottom in seconds.  

“Oh, you know, it’s not the animal’s fault. These things sometimes just happen.”

ME TOO! although one of our favorite movies as a family is “true lies” and the scene where she does the “sexy” dance when she thinks she’s a spy was always awkward to watch together...

jamie lee is my dad’s #1 celeb crush.

Her hair reminds me of Debbie Harry

That guy might have been a douche, but most people with herpes don’t know they have it. Most people don’t have symptoms (but are still contagious), others have mild symptoms and never see a doctor about it. Less sex = less risk, but honest people can pass it on and people in loving committed relationships can get it.

Of course a woman half my age finds me attractive and wants to sleep with me! 

Don’t bring that evil on Michelle Obama.

I like the show, and the most recent season was actually better than the previous two, but jesus christ do they struggle to get good female characters on the show. Carla was one of the more promising ones and they lost her. Damn shame.

I expect asshole behavior from TJ Miller, and deep doucheyness from Middledick, but…

Not surprised that TJ Miller is a POS, that the cast and production were complicit, and that HBO is “disappointed” by it all. This is old. #allmen

What a damn shame, because she was a breath of fresh air for the show and exactly what it needed. I still watch, and it’s still pretty funny, but also clearly spinning its wheels creatively. 

“I know it’s totally the wrong reaction”

The brooklyn hassidic population owns huge swaths of williamsburg and yet live off government benefits. You also cant marry outside of the community so they have the highest instances of recessive genetic disorders of any population in the world. Renting from a Hassid landlord was the worst year of my life. 

Hasids are such motherfuckers, they believe as a matter of course that anyone not a member of their community is subhuman. i don’t know how I feel about any effort to make them more likeable or sympathetic.

Probably just the ghost of an unvaccinated child.

There is no wrong way to feed your kid!

I am sure this will get flack - but - 

I’ll be damned if I stay with a dude who doesn’t know the names of my pets.

At last... the revolution can begin! To the barricades!