Okay, so we need a word that:

Two words: Kerri Kenney.

I said this over at Gawker last night, and I will repeat it here today:

Crying yourself to sleep every night until then, I'm sure. "Damn you, random jerk on the internet who was high and screwing around with MS Paint," you'l caterwaul, "You've ruined my dreams!"

I'm a big proponent of "If you can't do better, don't complain." So I did. That out of the way, today's "Sunday Comic" isn't great.

I'm too lazy this morning to make the "Hipster Erica Jong" meme, but just imagine a picture of her wearing those Elvis Costello glasses, and "Sex used to be cool, but now I don't know..." written over her in big white block letters.

Sorry, once "people raised on the coasts" has been invoked, it is our duty to lay down and start weeping with wretched self-pity that we were unfortunate enough to grow up on the Easternmost/Westernmost extremes of this fair country, and not ACTUAL America.

There aren't enough pearls in the goddamn ocean for me to clutch at this point.

"The Post That Inspired 500 Imitation Belle & Sebastian Songs"

Did she think people who don't have kids just sit in a dingy room on Thanksgiving, listlessly turning the light off and on, or throwing cards in a hat?

My wife and I don't have kids. It's not a priority, and we tend to not make a big deal about it one way or the other. But I will never forget when I sent a holiday email from my wife and I to a friend of mine who had children. I wrote, "Happy holidays from my family to yours." She replied, "I wasn't aware you had a…

That's the gold standard of cinematic easter eggs, right there.

I fell in love with a synthetic being in 1988, and never quite got over it.

[sidesalad.net]

I love that goddamn song.

(artist's rendition)

That's the first thing that I thought as well. All it was missing was a "Great Job!" at the end of the clip.

Please invite your friend to do what I did, and make the switch to using an old credit card/hotel room key card/medical marijuana card/etc, as a sideburn-guide.