I’m so glad our society allows good guys with guns to shoot people dead for the heinous crime of literally nothing.

Not all publicity is good publicity.

Damn, now all the other good news I hear in life will pale in comparison to this and I’ll feel nothing. How am I supposed to cope with this?

Rubbing a cheese grater against my genitals isn’t like other sex acts but that doesn’t make it great. Actually it kinda does, nevermind.

This is what scares me so much about Bernie Sanders. Why are his voters so willing, no, excited, to vote for Trump over Clinton? What does that say about him?

He’s a Republican, isn’t that one of the qualifying factors?

Hi,

So you’d rather see someone like Donald Trump win if you don’t get exactly what you want? You have no understanding of how the world works, do you?

I love tooting my own horn, so I’ll do it some more. It doesn’t matter who wins the election, it doesn’t matter if Trump wins or not. We’re all fucked anyway because shit like this isn’t going to stop happening.

Can someone please explain why Mike Mularkey is a head coach? He’s like Marty Schottenheimer, except instead of not being able to win the in the playoffs, he can’t win anything.

It’s almost like guns do far more harm than good and that they should be better regulated or something.

Okung: I want $100 million with $50 million guaranteed!

I picked Michigan State to win it all! My bracket was busted after Day 1, now it’s in flames which are quickly engulfing my house.

Ugh, Love started off so strong and fell apart so completely, so quickly.

Just be glad you’re not a Panthers fan right now. I’ve been alternately weeping into my Cam Newton jersey and throwing it in the garbage and getting it back out again for the past month.

Yeah, you’re right. We should start censoring critics we disagree with who dare criticise things as part of their job. How dare they try to be critical of something while pointing out the flaws in an overarching system in a fun, engaging way.

No, that’s a really stupid question. Criticism should be totally free, represented however the critic wishes it to be delivered. What you’re talking about is essentially censorship, which is hilariously considering how often the gaming community cries about “censorship” when Nintendo changes their games in…

That’s what criticism is: stating your opinion and laying down facts to support it. You can’t just say “this game is good” or “this game is bad.” That wouldn’t help anyone and wouldn’t give anyone any idea why a game is good or bad. I really don’t understand what the hell you’re talking about.

Oh Christ, Gruden’s going to run for president one day isn’t he?

This is what Mark Hamill, JJ Abrams and company should have said in regards to Luke Skywalker’s sexual orientation instead of cowardly dancing around it.