Everytime a Jalopnik article begins “we crashed” I get nervous.

No, you’re beautiful.

I own a BMW, use my turn signals, and only take up one space in a parking lot. Am I rare?

It’s great when you’re able to dish out justice against those people. Came across an F150 while driving my BMW, so I guess it was the opposite of the situation in the article. He was none too pleased when he came out to his truck. My car was fully in the lines too!

What I REALLY don’t get is why the BMW driver just didn’t move over to the left, closer to the dumpster, and park half-way into that far-left spot to give himself extra room on the right...nobody could park where that purple dumpster is...I always try to find spots like that. Even at shopping malls with shopping cart…

Now I’m hungry.

thats a clothing donation bin for a local charity......its taking up half the stall so really the truck was just doing its best.

Stupid by all people involved really. The truck didn’t need to really prove a point if the lot was empty but at the same time if the lot is empty do you really need to take up two spaces? If I’m worried about where I’m leaving my car I’ll find an end spot and put it closer to the curb increasing distance between my…

Why do you guys always have to tune anything turbocharged for? A Focus ST is 2.0L with 252 HP. This has .3L more and has about 95 more HP. The Focus ST is a little monster at the track, right from the factory. Stock. Do you know how quick this will make this RS at a track, with a full warranty?

Man, Drew Magary aged well.

That script would look good on a blue oval.

One Of These Days This Will End Poorly

I just ignored the article and went straight for the comments. I figured they would be far more entertaining.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

I’m trying to be the most generous reader I can be, but I still don’t really understand what’s happening here.

My brain is rejecting this article. It won’t let me read passed the fifth paragraph. I am so goddamn bored at work right now, but still apparently not bored enough to read this drivel in its entirety.

A lot of competition for sure, but I'm confident this is the stupidest shit I've ever read.

We’ve come down hard on cops in these parts lately, and rightly so. But kudos to Green Bay’s police, EMS, and fire/rescue departments who, in the four hours of radio traffic I listened to, remained calm and professional throughout the entire event—even amidst the noise, darkness, confusion, and angry drunks screaming…

Kids are basically proof that racism and homophobia are learned behaviors. You're not born with them.