I mean seriously, what can’t this thing do?

Likely story. Jason - and all of Jalopnik - has been in the pocket of Big Otter Jizz for years now.

Cool design. It should fight this guy:

Companion Cube 2.0

I mean, I hear the words “submarine” and “wheelchair” and my mind’s already like, “LOL, no.” Even setting aside that Nazis would not be ones for accessible design or universal design, a submarine is one of the last places I’d expect a wheelchair to operate well in.

“I studied every crotch-shot extensively. From every available crotch-shot angle I could grab. I searched other crotch-shots throughout previous Halftime shows to compare to this year’s series of crotch-shots. I even looked down other, darker avenues of the internet to research crotch-shots. Believe me, I have…

“Strictly for research, of course.”

“I did not watch the halftime show live, but you better believe that I watched and rewatched clips over and over in the past week. Using every available watching technologies, including pausing, slo-motion, close-ups. (Oh man the close-ups.)All in the confines of my locked darkened study on my internets.”

Trump has a convincing defense: he can neither read nor spell.

I couldn't agree more. This is so sad.

The republican party hates democracy, has shredded the Constitution and is willing to commit treason to hold on to their stolen minority rule.

Oddly enough he sold it back to gamestop for $13 in store credit.

They let me out of the basement to do a bit of weekday work. 

Zack.  You do know that it’s Monday, right?  Go to bed.  Your watch has ended.  Sleep well, kind prince. 

“It’s okay to think it wasn’t malicious and also think this is the right call.”

My take no one asked for:

It’s not a shocker that something from 1989 hasn’t aged great. It’s okay to think it wasn’t malicious and also think this is the right call.

Or you know, just get an Indian actor to play an Indian character instead of a white dude doing an impression.

But the first thing people think about with Apu is the over-the-top voice.

*Doesn’t need to check notes*