I'm pretty sure that you DON'T.

Sorry, but you're too late. The woods came to ME instead. You see, your antiquated conceptions of supply-side economics have crippled the economy and allowed ONLY the highest-volume, biggest players the chance to compete. The corner comic book store is a thing of the past, because the big box retailers felt that any…

Since when did your time have value? For that matter, since when were you functional?

See what I mean? Anti-piracy people are all unlikeable, hostile douchebags. Who wants to be associated with people like THIS? As far as astroturfing goes, this particular PR campaign is as dead as Napoleon. Try as they might, they STILL can't seem to present a like-able image, just an unpleasant impression of…

So you're saying it DOESN'T open up on Friday because the distributor no longer owns it?

piss-poor, as expected.

Yeah, you'd think they would have better internet access than Uganda, but you'd be wrong.

Also… You got my money yet?

Ah, so you're not even PRETENDING to be a person, are you? Just another industry troll, failing utterly in all your petty little attempts to do your master's bidding. Creating this widespread impression that only hostile, arrogant, self-important douche-nozzles like yourself take offense at the idea of movies being…

Oh, you have the right to copy, do you?

Nope can't do that. AC/DC is copyrighted and we'll file a DCMA claim on your ass so fast your house and car will be gone before your head stops spinning.

Ah, the old "lost sale" fallacy. Oh, did I say "fallacy?" I meant BUSINESS MODEL!!! On that note, you owe me $30,000 for all the copyrighted material of mine that you haven't paid for. You morally deficient thief. You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Wait, that only makes sense if… you mean… You've discovered how to make unlimited copies of physical objects that still retain their original chemical structures? You have the ability to produce infinite amounts of food at virtually no cost? WHY AREN'T YOU SHARING THIS TECHNOLOGY WITH THE WORLD?!?! You could end…

Florida's most pirated movie is Cuban Fury. Is it racist of me to find that hilarious?

Not even worth the bandwidth expenditure.

lol, and I HAVEN'T EVEN WATCHED IT! Although I did amuse myself scrubbing back and forth over the timeline for a few seconds and describing what I saw out loud: "Motorcycle crash! Helicopter! Thrown from building! Plane crash! Punch in the face! Machine guns! Hanging from a helicopter! Throwing knife to the chest!…

*sigh* … priorities.

Yes, and the Aryan Brotherhood isn't racist, either, because some of them disagree about whether or not Italians count as "white" people.

"Hangin's too good for 'im! BURNIN'S too good for 'im! He should be RIPPED into ITTY BITTY PIECES and BURIED ALIVE!!"
—Hanover Fist

Why do they BOTH look like Kenny Powers in that picture?