Any second thoughts, just read this pamphlet.

I like to defecate through a chain-link fence on a warm summer day before I cut the grass at my neighbor’s house. That’s not really a superstition, but it is something that I do.

Here’s the original SNL video for all of those interested.

“I don’t like sand.”

“You won’t need genitals where we’re going...[unintelligible screaming]”

Jazzfest should be exempt from this ranking. Not only is it one of the few major festivals to celebrate the food, culture and musical history of its host city, the latenight funk scene on Frenchman’s Street makes it a festival in its own class. I maybe go to 2 out of the 4 days in the actual festival grounds but the…

Nice stock babe tho. She’s ALMOST showing some boob.

1. Luke was supposed to have a bigger role, but they didn’t want to overshadow new characters.

I’m honestly more worked up about Cheeseburger being on the list than I am about Hot Dog being at the bottom. Who eats a cheeseburger at a baseball game? What kind of deranged lunatic is going to get out of their seat and throw down $12 for what will certainly be a charred hockey puck of a burger, when there is a man…

I got explosive diarrhea the last time I ate soft-serve and I would still take it over Dippin’ Dots.

Can’t argue with 1 or 2, but the rest of this list is not so great.

“ You did you need an Apple Watch before, and you still do not.”

Well actually, most available evidence shows that runners tend to have a lower incidence of knee arthritis than the general population. This might not be because of running per se but because runners tend to have lower body masses, though even when controlling for this runners tend to be healthier. I’m not as well…

Related question: Trucks hauling gravel or other construction materials have signs on the back reading “Not responsible for broken windshields.” Are these signs bullshit, or do the provide legal protection?

Because you get to do science and have biscuits!

am p upset rn, not gonna lie

Remember when there was The Verve and also there was The Verve Pipe? Those were strange times.

The Dead Milkmen

Do get some salt and/or cat litter or whatever stuff helps snow and ice melt more quickly, and use them, before the snow arrives. Spreading this stuff on your walk/driveway/parking spot is a lot easier and less time-consuming than shoveling. It’s a good investment!

Despite bad grades, those kids managed to avoid a C section