Reminds me of one of my favorite Kurt Vonnegut quote (I think it’s Vonnegut, I haven’t been able to find confirmation):

Yeah, this is when i stopped watching...

Imagine Heidi Cruz doing this.

“It’s hard for me, cuz i can never be sure if women date me because I’m so incredibly handsome, or because i’m rich.”

Do you have an El Dorado on cinder blocks in your yard, too? Maybe a couple of rusty push-mowers and an old toilet with geraniums in it? Then it’ll look great without the wood.

my profile in America is that I’m kind of celebrated as one of the greatest singers

I thought the same thing, except demon instead of alien.

Thank you. Totally read that in the Nations jingle.

because freedom

because you can’t

Same, Abbi. And the rage I feel when I DON’T get that wave...

I cannot believe that cockwaddle is younger than I am

Curly hair on men is a no go for me

It would if you were worth $700 million.

OMG you are a nerd

I’m sorry, but Common doing breakdancing Lionel Richie was all kinds of awesome.

C’mon, Bernie, don’t be like this.