Do you have an El Dorado on cinder blocks in your yard, too? Maybe a couple of rusty push-mowers and an old toilet with geraniums in it? Then it’ll look great without the wood.

my profile in America is that I’m kind of celebrated as one of the greatest singers

I thought the same thing, except demon instead of alien.

Thank you. Totally read that in the Nations jingle.

because freedom

because you can’t

Same, Abbi. And the rage I feel when I DON’T get that wave...

I cannot believe that cockwaddle is younger than I am

Curly hair on men is a no go for me

It would if you were worth $700 million.

OMG you are a nerd

I’m sorry, but Common doing breakdancing Lionel Richie was all kinds of awesome.

C’mon, Bernie, don’t be like this.

If they’d actually used the draft for the Iraq/Afghanistan war, it would have been over in a couple of months.

Why doesn’t any one ever put ecstasy in my bag?

We used to get it in powder form. You can snort it. It feels exactly like someone jamming a knitting needle into your brain thru your nose. And it tastes even more bitter than I am. Stick to tablets.

For an erection lasting more than 90 million years, please contact a medical doctor.

I’m sitting at work in SF, a half block away from “Super Bowl City”, which is like 40 miles from the Super Bowl Stadium. If you live in NoCal, you can’t escape it.