Long ago and far away we just stuck safety pins in our ears. I’m still alive. :)

I worked at a local Claire’s knockoff in my midwest mall the early 90s, and I refused to pierce babies ears, if that helps at all. I was 19 and dumb and needed a job.

Don’t pierce the ears of kids who can’t consent! Don’t pierce the ears of babies!

As an adult, I totally agree. As a younger adult (22 when I got my ears pierced) I obviously went to Claire’s. I didn’t think through why I should have gone to a tattoo/piercing parlor that was more legitimate. Nothing went wrong, the holes in my lobes are in the right place... but I still don’t recommend it.

In my defense, it’s not like I knew about tattoo parlors when I was in fourth grade, nor would anyone have taken me to one to get my ears pierced.

So I guess this is my chance to rant.

If I could have Adam Rippon and Lin-Manuel Miranda as my personal life coaches, I could take over the entire galaxy before lunch.

Chris Harrison is the devil and I won’t hear any other opinions on the matter.

Becca: I want you to leave

allegedly baked a cake

After watching the first Frozen my son told me he wished I’d die like Elsa’s parents, so he and his brother could have an ice rink in the front yard.

1. Curious if by Sunday, E will find it viable to have Seacrest on the red carpet.

The head voice and synth music is very early-00's, but the soul is so there. (Damn, she was only 17 when she did this?)

I just can’t believe we can put a man on the moon, but we haven’t developed a fucking flushable tampon. Get on it, science!! Tired of my landlord giving me the stink eye every time there’s a plumbing problem (it’s not me, he just thinks it is).

1.) After over one year of Trump, I believe that Barf Bag needs a new name. It is no longer sufficient. May I suggest hemorrhaging bag? Any other suggestions?

Seacrest out...please.

Come on, now. We’ve all got a half-dozen or so talented and gorgeous daughters and have produced some of the greatest releases in the history of recorded music. Hell, I’m even writing this from my palatial estate that all of us have and oh my I just remembered I’m Quincy Jones and maybe that’s why this is so…

Oh God we can ALL relate to this

Dammit.