“Tim Tebow Saves First Base For Marriage”

Ophthalmologist: Something wrong?

Considering all the hedge funds and trading firms in the area, makes sense.

Fortunately, their comments only translate to 75% of any value.

Ahh yes, but aren’t smokescreens against the rules?

Maybe I’m only one voice in the wilderness, but this is the kind of stuff I come to Jalopnik for. I care approximately zero about how many valves per cylinder on the new M5 and I care approximately negative nine thousand about motorsports.

I bought a Porsche with zero paper service records. ZERO RECORDS. Not even a damn Jiffy Lube window sticker.

Except it is followed by “I read the transcripts.” That is basically the same as seeing it because both the questions and answers are typed up. For example, a script is much like a transcript. I can tell what happens in a film by reading the script, but not seeing it. I can do the same for a presser and the…

Ok, so let me get this straight:

Nobody’s burfict.

Who isn’t a fan of the VAG?

Labutt

It was FLAVOR-AID damnit !

I haven’t seen fanatics trade so many killer punches since Jonestown, 1978.

That Bears fan is a lot like my pun skills.

I’m having a hard time believing that there are Bears fans in Chicago.

I don’t think you know what a beer belly is.

Nothing like a cold glass of Schitz.

Isn’t Bud Light shitty enough to begin with?