Max Blum is my ideal man, FYI. I know all other gays are holding out hope for, like, a super butch cop who plays on a football league and just HAPPENS to be gay or whatever, but I'm holding out for a snuggly puppy-dog dolt who belongs to a Madonna cover band.

Apparently it's 99.9999999999999999999999999[insert that symbol that meant "repeating" in Algebra class here]% millennials voting, which means Babysitter's club will absolutely fall to whatever totally inadequate opponent it's up against, and I will end up flipping my laptop into the wall and storming out of my office…

I feel you, but counterpoint: ladies STILL be havin Rachels.

The fuck is wrong with you people? First Game Boy beats 90210 and now this Lisa Frank (WHICH WASN'T EVEN THE 80S) shit?

These ads have always bothered me for two reasons:

HOW THE FUCK IS GAMEBOY WINNING FUCK ALL OF YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Goddammit, now I'm gonna have to resubscribe to HBO. Sorry, bank account.

Has it occurred to you that maybe it's part of the costume? When I was a kid in the 80s, every Boy Scout had that Casio watch.

I sold MY flute in 2003 for rent money, but I still have my recorder. Please advise.

I'm dead also. I went back to my 8th-grade band concert at that moment, and then died. We should hang out, while dead.

Are you guys serious? LINDSAY LOHAN. OBVIOUSLY. GOD.

Basically.

The fuck? Have you been recording my phone calls in re: "Girls"?

Case dismissed indeed. This is everything.

Before any of them were famous, at least outside the UK (this was like 15 yrs ago), I saw Chiwetel, Bill Nighy and "Walking Dead"'s Andrew Lincoln in a play called "Blue Orange" in London. Chiwetel played an institutionalized mentally ill South London man, and Nighy and Lincoln his two doctors on opposing sides of a…

Turtle! Best. Book. Ever. Thank you, 8th-grade summer reading list.

Seriously, what are you so angry about? All I can go on, and all I responded to, is the words you typed. Your tone was unnecessarily acidic and pedantic, your ire was misdirected, and the content of your comment showed that you completely misunderstood my point; so, I defended myself, clarified my position, and…

Look, I was speaking about the attitude of the press (especially the fashion press), not Jezebel commenters who are pretty clearly on Melissa's side. Your knee-jerk scolding isn't necessary, nor do I need you to explain the point of the article down your nose at me. The point I'm making, and that I made in my original…

Sorry, what the actual fuck do people expect Melissa McCarthy to wear? She's a very big woman, her options are limited, and she does pretty damn well with those limited options. I frankly enjoyed this very Old Hollywood-style dress. Sorry it wasn't draped around some emaciated praying mantis, fashion press. I mean…

You are wrong. That is all.