I'm originally from Michigan, so I pay attention to their news/politics, and I can confidently say that this fucking asshole is without doubt the worst governor Michigan has had in my lifetime. Shockingly without any kind of sense or moral compass. I'd spit in his face if I ever got close enough and wouldn't have a…

I would have ended up being asked to leave this wedding for scoffing at every aspect of it—assuming I didn't throw up my hands and say, "Fuck this, I'm out of here" once the Type O Negative started playing. What an insufferably precious pair of pedantic [p]assholes.

How dare you bring Ziggy into this.

I refused to give a shit about manners as a kid, a shortcoming that miraculously vanished without a trace after my mother one evening took my dinner away for forgetting to put my napkin in my lap.

Huh. See, this is part of what I'm talking about though—people have said this to me before, and I'm like, big deal, Madonna did the same thing 30 years ago and didn't have the benefit of being native New Yorker progeny of rich UES'ers. (Though Madonna did have the benefit of being really attractive at the time, which…

I ain't mad at Gaga at all—do you, Gaga, and I firmly believe "Bad Romance" to be the best pop song since "Like a Prayer"—but I can't for the life of me understand what is so interesting about this woman, specifically what is interesting enough about her to warrant an entire documentary film. Her whole thing is just a…

I am shaking because I am certain—CERTAIN, in my HEART OF HEARTS—that Bark Lice are mutating into bedbugs as I sit here typing this beside my Christmas tree and that upon rising tomorrow I will be reliving The Great Bedbug Nightmare of Aught-Nine and I will just fucking die.

WHAT THE FUCK.

As someone who has been stress eating since about the age of 5, who survived a shitty childhood by stress eating, a shittier adolescence by stress eating, shitty 20s by stress eating, and 30s that have been fantastic except for having to deal with all the emotional trauma of the previous 25 years, by stress eating,…

Not to be a starfucker, but my BFF used to nanny for the Jackmans and they are lit'rally the nicest people in the universe. And he's way, way skinnier than you'd assume. S'all.

Hoo boy, are you telling the truth. One of my closest friend's batshit crazy Baptist parents took her wedding hostage—dry, or we don't pay. This is after, mind you, everything was already booked and save-the-dates had gone out, and we're talking the marriage of two high school teachers with a good 75% of the…

This post completely misses the point of why—excepting situations involving extreme financial hardship on the part of the bride/groom/whoever is paying for this shindig, situations which are pretty rare in the realm of large, celebratory weddings—cash bars are unacceptable: You expect me to purchase an outfit, fly…

Nope.

[Redacted because I posted it in the wrong place, like a dumbass.]

THIS. Every single fucking word. Plaudits, Egan Morrissey. Plaudits. You and your loinfruit are welcome in my home any time.

You are aware that children learn to behave by being taught by their parents how to do so, yes?

You're...really dumb. I'd elaborate but there's no need to gild the lily.

Speaking of jokes about what would happen if men were the ones who menstruated...

Um, holy shit. I've never heard the term "intersectional" until just now and I Googled it and it turns out it is the exact thing I am constantly screaming at people about and now I feel like I've found my people and also can I please be America's Next Top Intersectional Gay Rights Activist?

I scrolled through A LOT of that site and nary a picture of this deliciously hot tatted owner. You disappoint me.