[David Price meets with Dr. Andrews at the combine]

Chicago White Sox slugger José Abreu testified today that he ordered a Heineken, then slowly ate his fake Haitian passport on board his flight to illegally enter the United States back in 2013.

Mike was like “Good gracious, pasta so tasteless”

Shoutout to the dude that’s way too excited to get a picture of shirtless Bill Walton

“Irsay dropped this minor bomb”

If we’re talking about navigating basketball-related alternate realities then I guess we’d have to call Dr. Ainge

Officer: Nice work, but you’re lucky to be alive right now.

That article left out the best part:

Hey Deadspin, you accidentally posted someone’s shitty Reddit comment as an article.

Well, this is a thing. Thanks for this thing. I guess.

“Oh shit we forgot the mayor was coming tonight!”