Econoline 250. It’s the most exciting feeling to know that your car will never leave you wanting for utility.

Upon entering the car, take note of the time. Then, the moment you forget you’re in a Kia check the time. Basically, I want to know when/if the magic stops.

Thank you!

Well, I’d hope the customer defines the Tesla as “tech” by virtue of it’s battery, AWD system (if you want to call it that) AND the screen. If the customer’s definition of “tech” is just the screen then he can have his damn Tesla and leave the actual cars to the rest of us. I say actual because the Tesla is just a…

Full adjustable Öhlins suspension = tech. More safety features than McAfee = tech. If the customer’s definition of tech is a touch screen, buy the Polestar, and iPad and a some double sided tape. Done.   

Once again I am required by law to be the voice of reason in a sea of the unreasonable. You want tech, 4 doors and fun? I’ve got this Volvo here for less than $50k and I mean look at it. Volvos in the Polestar guise garner as much attention as real life pole stars, if you catch my drift. Nothing says screaming midlife…

With the correct package, 5000lbs.

Hey kids! Are you sick and tired of listening to mom and dad bitch about politics? Good news! In this leviathan of a car, you can sit in the back seats and not hear them! No, not those back seats silly...the back seats! That’s right, in the Caprice Wagon there’s enough space for you to stay well and clear of the folks…

Yeah, it’s not meant to be a secret to the audience. Anyone who’s not been living in a cave knew about Planet Hulk and knew this was coming. We’re invited to be part of the surprise party, not who the party is being thrown for. Thor and Co are the only ones who are supposed to be left in the dark.

In an age where curvy girls are sexy, so too can the Astro find love. Sure, it’s not one of your “airbrushed” minivans, but let’s be honest they probably have dents just like the rest of us. The Astro is full sized, able to handle 8 full grown men with room for their junk in the back and does it on all…

You’ve heard of the LS swap? That’s the Volvo D13 swap.

Define “truck”.

A jacked up C-HR is like a nun dressing as a slutty nurse for Halloween. Sure it “drains the oil pan” if you catch my drift, but at the end of the day she’s still going home with God. This is what causes automotive blue balls. Toyota, stop making “hypotheticals” and re-start making “actual”.

This mini van ain’t no sign of surrender, it’s a call to arms! No longer will the minivan be the last vestige of the bourgeoisie, but instead a platform for revolution! The bed in the back wasn’t given a door so that none of the awesomeness leaked out. This vehicle is a long, firm middle finger to the establishment,…

Neutral: As part of the monarchy of car designers, VW was never going to suffer long term for this. Actually, in my comment here I predicted this. When a company gets big enough they are no longer held to the realism that the rest of us are. Think about it, VW could actually send a car out with a trunk full of dead…

I recommend a Toyota Corolla. You’re going to embarrass yourself during the process of learning manual; you might as well be as inconspicuous as possible. You could drive through a mall in a Corolla and escape detection, they’re that invisible.

Shooting Brakes: Helping justify the midlife crisis to the missus since 1927.

Tickets in English-Canada: “Looks like you’ve been driving without a double-double in your hand. Here’s a twoonie, eh! Be sure to get that looked at.

Neutral: The same way they did back in the 70s and 80s. Small, fun, efficient cars with adventurous engines and engaging drive trains. Mazda clearly has the right idea. Skip electric and go right to new-age combustion engines. The fact that Ford’s 1.0 Ecoboost is one of the most adventurous engines in the last ten…

Perhaps, but nearly two decades in sales have taught me treat every customer like a million bucks, because you never know which ones actually have a million bucks. Grubby construction workers in their work gear and reflective vests have always been my best customers and always worth going that extra mile for. Car’s…