Wait wait wait . . . you’re telling me that your family makes stuffing without every putting any INSIDE the bird? So it NEVER absorbs all the juices and rendered fat from cooking? This is the saddest thing I’ve seen all day

What...what was that song...something something....Oh, yes. GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING, GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING...MAYBE GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING RIGHT NOW.

Good for her. Now if we can only convince women not to work with Woody Allen and Roman Polanski, maybe those two creeps can fade from public consciousness.

Wow, it’s almost like the protests, like the national anthem itself, have nothing to do with the troops and everything to do with the dehumanization of black people. Who knew!

To paraphrase the comedian Doug Stanhope: If you lose your job or your admission to college to someone who just moved here and for whom English is a second language, maybe you’re not the master race. Maybe you are just stupid, lazy, and looking for an excuse.

The entire premise of this article is INVALID. We use tote bags that we get from our local NPR affiliate, and although they are too small, and weak, and generally suck, we use them for general tote bag needs and we LIKE IT, dammit. Or at least tolerate them.

The entire premise of this article is INVALID. We use tote bags that we get from our local NPR affiliate, and…

Thanks to a panel-wide misunderstanding of Asian geography and some nimble betting work, he won.

Who is marketing the burpee?

Have you seen Catwoman?

People who demand respect or obedience to symbols or the rote chanting of words don’t really understand the whole point of the American Revolution. This is a brave little boy exercising his rights as as an American.

What is the correlation between people who don’t let others borrow their phone charger and never letting their phone dip below 98%? Because I think it’s probably high.

One rule that I live by: other people DO NOT get to move my chargers.

Me after I saw that video...