So the Red Sox are still stealing signs then?

Sorry man. One day the Yankees’ ship will come in.

Bless the person who diligently watches the “likes” column on Ted Cruz’s twitter 24/7

A pass play at the goal line. Jesus Christ. And I don’t even LIKE the Seahawks.

Ugh. Typical glory boy. You play for the name on the FRONT of your jersey!

My favorite Deadspin bit so has been your insistence on calling this show All Takes Matter. I have no idea what this show is actually called and I love it that way.

This is progress. Usually Cleveland police protest browns by shooting them.

My jinxing abilities remain sharp

Fuck the beach. The beach is the fucking worst. You know who goes to the beach? Miserable fucking people go to the beach, to pretend that they’re not miserable fucking people.

GOOD APPLE FOOD EVERYWHERE

I CAN ROAST MEAT IN MY KITCHEN AND NOT DIE.

BASKETBALL IS STARTING. BASEBALL IS ENDING.

Also wearing a jacket affords me the luxury of pockets without the public shaming that comes with cargo shorts. The only good thing about summer is stone fruit season.

I’m not a kid anymore, summer is just the time of year when I arrive at work sweaty as hell.

Fall weather is the best- perfectly temperate, not too hot or too cold. Also, any season that has football is by definition a superior season to other seasons. That really cannot be overstated.

Fall is great. Best sports season (MLB playoffs; NFL; NBA), best seasonal beers, and I don’t have to worry about humidity choking me OR frostbite OR allergies so strong I can barely breathe.

“Just shows me what they got over there.”

Maybe I’m hopelessly out of touch (and I have no illusions about the sanctity of the Olympics) but I still don’t buy e-sports as equivalent to physical sports — and thinking about an official having to straight-facedly give “anomaly” a gold medal in FIFA ‘XX makes me cringe.

Take em & rake em.

Goddamn that was spicy