Airlift it and drop it on the Mexican border.

Exactly, I’m brown too, and even if I can get approved the visa, I can’t fathom having to give out my cellphone or the possibility of going through extra screening. 

I don’t know. I have a valid US visa but I just cancelled my summer vacation ther - I’m brown, muslim and work in the middle east in perfectly boring white collar job. There is no way I’m getting in without a fuss though and its just not worth it.

What exactly are you expecting them to do exactly?

hey man, I pulled the gun on mom jeans, and they are amaze

One of the very few fun parts about being old is watching the Youts wear all the stupid shit you once thought was cool. The 80s were stupid, and you shouldn’t copy us, kids. Learn from Steph’s Aqua Net Black Lung.

Sometimes he has to return to the atmosphere of his home planet so he can rejuvenate, okay? Jeez.

The Russians were just sending him a little “message”.

Was that body blindfolded and carrying a scale?

That really is the only explanation.

Tried to dissolve a body in it?

I cannot stand looking at pictures of his fucking bloated, disgusting, orange, fleshy face. I scroll past them as quickly as I can before vomit starts inching up my throat and my laptop keyboard is ruined.

She’s 90. If my hands look half as good at her age I’d be delighted.

Dear Universe,

My wife and I wake up every morning in hopes of finding the pee-pee tapes splashed across the internet.

Good to see he’s back. The day and a half of being “presidential” lasted like a day longer than I thought it would.

I swear I wake up every morning waiting for the final domino to fall in this atrocious presidency. Then I call my senators (who don’t answer of course) sign 25 petitions that feel totally futile, and refresh my web pages incessantly until it’s time to drink myself into a stupor, fall asleep and do it all again the…

“You don’t know the power of the First Lady.”

I will never understand the controversy over calling the non-dairy dairy replacements “milk”. Milk in this case is not a literal description, but instead a word that connotes the taste, texture, and uses of the beverage in a succinct way. We all know it didn’t actually come from an udder, we’re not confused, and we’re…

I try not to snark on Melania, but why the fuck is her twitter hashtag always #powerofthefirstlady? It’s nonsensical at best and vaguely threatening at worst.