The line “Seagal gives the kind of performance typically associated with actors who died during production” lives on in my heart.

I wonder if Paste-era AV Club could tempt Ignatiy Vishnevetsky back. There was a guy who knew how to pan a movie.

What ever happened to just picking up bored drunk people at hotel bars near the airport?

“Oyler clearly wishes to be a person who says brilliant things—the Renata Adler of looking at your phone a lot—but she lacks the curiosity that would permit her to do so,”

To quote the poet "Giggedy Giggedy, aw yeah."

Potential Onion headline: “Area Woman Who Styles Herself an Intellectual Chooses Ugly Shirt” 

As a Chinese man, I give you full authority to deploy my people's burn. 

One reason I don’t generally care for the Fox X-Men films in general was doing my boy Cyclops the absolute dirtiest, I’m glad the show is reminding everyone this guy is the captain for a reason.

Richard III isn't political guys, trust me.

Shakespeare made the same claim about his War of the Roses series. “Nah, nothin’ to do with present-day England, nothin’ at all.”

They're a legitimate part of film history, and he's, you know, as good as you're going to get from him in them (my favorite is Red River, which is absolutely brilliant) but my basic observation and complaint stands: he's really not an actor at all—he's not remotely plausible as the men he "plays" or as representing…

I think Steven Seagal is an attempt in this day and age to have there be the same kind of leading man as John Wayne in the 1950s.

It's a courtesy to both the audience and the women, if we're being honest.

Un-see it? I can hear the creak of the drawbridge.

What's wrong with CFNM?

God bless you, Ignatiy Vishnevetsky — I haven't laughed out loud reading a review in a long while. Just that first paragraph is total comedy gold. "His fully dressed body is lowered over a naked woman like a drawbridge." I wish I could un-see this image, but sadly, I cannot.

That depends. What are you wearing?

I'm worried that today's TV and movies will create a generation of kids who think its normal to have sex with your clothes on.

“They have a situation. It’s kind of very distinct.” is the most beautiful piece of film writing I've ever read.

"Most of the movie, he spends sitting down or walking (again, slowly) up and down flights of stairs."