Anytime someone comes out with a confessional autobiography like this, I always wonder what kind of shit they aren't telling us. Something awful, like he murdered a hobo or dated Barbara Streisand. #andreagassi

What she really means is that she is getting new ones. #jennsterger

I bet under President Obama, he actually qualifies for unemployment. #larryjohnson

? #sammysosa

I apologize to Liz. Also, did you ever notice your last name starts with Tit? #philliesfan

Ugly People not related. Dick jokes after the break. #searchingfor

They promptly made a casserole out of it. #dong

Hiring for a sports version of "The Daily Show", eh? Well I also was much funnier 4 years ago... #comedycentral

@MattinglysSideburns: Are far as jokes about murder go, that is one of my favorites. +1. #jamboroo

@ErnestGrahamGoesToVoluntaryMin...: Yea, fuck that guy for working for a charity. #mediameltdowns

D'ashiell Bennett #brandonspikes

War Machine loses again. - Artie Fufkin Polymer Records #darrenrovell

awww, she doesn't even know the Phillies are going to lose tonight. #philadelphiaphillies

@SEDonaldson: "The internets on computers now?" Also, smooth move using your real name. #philadelphiaphillies

I think Mr. Rovell is right, that guy is dark skinned. #mebkeflezighi

@Steve U: Here's Artie Fufkin, now plain Fufkin. #finalfailgate

It doesn't look like my story, #1, will win. But the joke is on you voters, I can't read! #finalfailgate

That's pretty sad that the owner of a basketball team was murdered....Ohhh, women's basketball. nevermind. #mikhailprokhorov

I haven't seen acting that bad since Vincent Chase in Aquaman. #foxsports

It says it was the 2nd time that's happened this season, which doesn't speak wonders for AL's power grids. #highschoolfootball