You mean that bottle of willow bark extract, which is what aspirin is?

In fairness, The Hindu's coverage of the Kardashians sucks.

During my sophomore year of college my then girlfriend called me at work in the theatre department scenic shop where I worked to ask me a favor: would I take her friend to prom?

She was definitely getting it lasered off to accommodate whatever jewelry Jay & Solange were purchasing yesterday. Of course she had to orchestrate the tiff between the two in order to get said jewelry, but since she's Illuminati it wasn't that much of a challenge.

Well now, I am a mother. Twice over. I spent my day much like yours. My husband brought me coffee in bed while I read the news on line. He and my older child were out most of the day, while me younger child had friends over. I did my nails, read, made muffins for the morning and threw in some laundry. Now I'm…

It should also be mentioned that after 28 years of marriage to her ex- husband, she couldn't remember what university he went to. All she knew was it wasn't Princeton. She sure could remember what sororities she pledged though. All 11 of them, in total detail. Clearly we should take marital advice from this…

I know that all of these antics took place a long time ago, and people grow up, and most of us sucked at that age. But...but. I like all of these people a little bit less now.

It's a sure sign of someone thinking everything is always about them.

New York's hottest club is Garbage Alley. This place has everything: bummers, little sores, and Steve Hickeys, where you can sit by in gleeful judgment while eight gay guys take a dump on your bed.

OH THANK GOD. I swear, this is me every Wednesday waiting for this segment:

I sent Anna Wintour a picture of me wearing my sweatpants and a Dog the Bounty Hunter t-shirt I got on sale at a Family Dollar store and asked her if it was cool if I went tonight. She told me I could wear the outfit at the Met Gala, but only if I agreed to sit with Giuliana Rancic. I turned her down.

This wasn't some elaborate prank celebrating Mean Girls 10th anniversary? That's too bad.

What, she couldn't just DRIVE to Mississippi?

He meant that since her body didn't properly shut down, then it wasn't legitimate rape. Because science.

Now, he watches the show....Let me explain.

Cupcakes are good as long as they don't have a poop of icing equal in size to the cake part on top.

I haven't read any scripts, but I can take a stab at what happens:

I can't imagine voluntarily going to a wedding.

Now if only we could figure how to get Kinja to do the same.

I thought Chipotle was the upmarket taco bell.