I know it’s unlikely given his name, but maybe Jose is a mohel and just being discrete as usual.

Never before have I seen a review of a car where a story about not having sex with a girl was so awkwardly jammed into it.

Nobody believes you banged her hot friend. Truthfully, nobody believes she exists.

I bet it breaks in half with both doors open!

Perhaps I’ll take a ride down and ask Jose what the fucking deal is.

It should be called...wait for it...

Yeah, Shakespear was total garbage too, cause they didn’t allow women on stage. How DARE the past not live up to your contemporary indignation!

“He got back on a bike? Amateur.”

Another pro athlete on his way home from doing Charity (the dancer, not the selfless work of using one’s position and wealth to uplift one’s community).

CFL? Is that the one with the big end zones?

This affirmative action shit has gone too far. White guys have to go to Canada to get undeserved second chances nowadays, smdh.

How have these state institutions been allowed to become so corrupt?

Damn...

Fist bump from one immigration attorney to another. I limit my work to removal relief.

As a lawyer (immigration, not criminal), I’ve interacted with many innocent people who pled guilty to things because their attorney advised them not to fight charges, since it would guarantee they didn’t spend any time in jail (which meant they could keep their jobs and suffer a minimum disruption of their lives).

Based on what I’ve read over the years, DAs are super aggressive about pushing plea bargains, sometimes even lying about what the effect of plea bargaining would be. Especially if the family is poor and certainly if the lawyer is a public defendant (it doesn’t sound like the Heimlichs had a bunch of money, although…

“So, son...Did ya do it?”
“No! Of course not.”
“Well...What if we just say you did?”
“Why?!”
“That’ll be $15,000.”
“I don’t care what your card says, Mr. Hutz. I’m not sure you’re a real lawyer at all!”

You’re also a man who doesn’t understand the American legal system.

Who would guess a cheeseburger piece would elicit troll attacks? Apparently cheese is a very emotional subject and not to be trifled with. Then again, to suggest condiments be applied to the bottom bun can understandably be seen as an unwarrented attack on the structure of the universe (as we know it). It’s a step too…

Counterpoint: Fuck you, Chris.