True. Our sex life has improved due to creativity and efficiency

I think you’re just not absurdly rich. The absurdly rich are too rich to enjoy things like general relaxation or a normal beach day—they have to up the ante with coke orgies and exploiting little people, apparently.

I find it’s a cycle. The first couple of days are debauched fun, then a couple of days of fun with occasional moments of missing our daughter mixed in, then I really miss her for a day or two, then we have a great weekend and I’m happy she’s not here, then days of missing her. Repeat.

My daughter is gone the whole week and only comes home on the weekend. She’s in week 5 of the 10 weeks she’ll be doing this. I just found out that I’m afraid of bumps in the night when nobody else is in the house. I’m a grown-ass man and I get spooked because I think the Blair Witch is rummaging through my cabinets.

Meh. Sneaking around the house to find somewhere to bone is half the fun of my sex life now that we have an infant and a 3yo that often (haha, no, always) end up in our bed. Sexy blanket fort in the closet FTW.

I don’t even do the majority of those things and we’re not even married, let alone kids. Are we just terminally boring people?

She shits money.

Being a rich white parent sure sounds fun!

Wait. Her kids (kids. Multiple children.) go to camp for seven (SEVEN!) weeks? What I want to know is, does she shit money, or does she have a magical money tree in her backyard?

Head of the transition team? So, no worries, then.

Tell her hi from Jezebel for is if you see her! Thanks.

I’d rather my city host a fucking G8 summit or even an (ugh) Olympics than this bullshit. Poor Cleveland.

I hope it’s the same intern who designed the original Trump-Pencetration logo. I’m sure it’s a staffer who also consistently tells Trump that his “hair is looking great today!”

She plagiarized Michelle Obama and rickrolled the RNC. I’m convinced that her speech writer is a 100% Grade A Troll. And I love them.

The Repubs applauded Michelle’s words out of Melania’s mouth and pretend they’re “just words.”

Illegitimate Muslim Gay Prostitute please. That is the ONLY reason I vote for him.

It’s funny because it’s so unimportant, but it’s also scary that they couldn’t do something so simple and get it right, even knowing that it would be obvious if they fucked up. Think about having these people making decisions about things that matter.

“I have been with Donald for 18 years” ...Donald divorced wife 2 17 years ago.

There is, however, some kind of schadenfreude in watching Republicans cheer the words of Michelle Obama.

Same (cynical) thought.