Honestly don’t know why I didn’t think of this sooner.

According to state law, blowjobs are illegal in Georgia. You going to stan for that, too?

do you know how many projectile pop related deaths there are each year?

ONES OF THEM.

“Holly probably RIGGED the coffee shop door to try to make that poor woman’s life difficult! She’s guilty of ASSAULT! ASSAULT ASSAULT ASSAULT ASSAULT! IF I SAY IT ENOUGH TIMES, IT MAGICALLY BECOMES TRUE!”

That is a legitimate reaction.

I wouldn’t be able to sob because I'd probably die right on the spot.

I almost sobbed just seeing fleet wood Mac in concert

No keep them out actually. They’ll keep her away, just like garlic.

I love Cole Escola so much that it physically hurts.

Really? I learned some valuable lessons there; mostly that when you kick and punch customers, it should all be in the mind.

I’m filling your thermos with bread, one sec.

Because he’s too busy removing the red crunchyness, duh.

Recently I was in a store and a little boy was blocking an aisle. His mother told him to move out of the way because he wasn’t the only person in the world. Mother of the Year!

I had people specifically ask for temperatures hotter than our hottest setting (I think it was 212), and I would have to talk them out of it. I often would get an earful about how other places would do it, and my usual response is that they were probably just saying yes and not telling you the truth.

Two things that need to branded into the souls of every human being before they’re allowed out on their own.

I have to say, BCO has spurred two important changes in the way I act in restaurants.

“Was that so hard?!”

I can’t remember his whole spiel, because my brain was filled with the enraged screams of my primal warrior ancestors and I was battling to keep a pleasant expression on my face.

I’m a gay man and I would totally switch for her! She is sexy as all hell.

I mean...