My wife tried the IUD but I didn’t like it.  It was uncomfortable hitting it.  So I got snipped instead.

Thanks for that.  Ford made some vehicles like that as well.

But don’t hold it against the kid you’ve raised their entire life.  That’s a beef with you and the mother.

Hey I’m not my kids’ father either.  But I am their dad.  And that’s what really counts.

I take free maps from the rest stop on the interstate and use that as wrapping paper.  Nice and thick and looks cool too.

Forget personal accounts.  Claim to be an Uber driver, and therefore own your own business, and open business credit cards.  The rewards are much better.

I went from $18k in one year down to right at about $4k this year in a two year span.  I feel like I’ve conquered my addiction to Amazon shopping.

I just wish they were consistent. One week my Kindle can stay in my bag. The next it has to be out. And this is at the same airport. Make up your damn minds. I know most of you by name by now because of frequent travel. And no, my CPAP that you’ve seen 30 times already this year, among countless others, isn’t suddenly…

They go well with the faulty jeans she always wears.  Why do jeans with holes cost more?

THANK YOU FOR YELLING.  HAVE A NICE DAY!

For what it’s worth the tests show I’m not gluten intolerant but when I consume certain gluten products my knees hurt really bad.  So it’s not a perfect science.

Well that species is fucked for sure now.

As a father of a severely gluten intolerant child who has nearly died from it I can tell you that it’s not a scam.

So you can hide where you watch porn while you watch porn.

I can’t wait to see how Christianity would spin it.

Only because the employee will probably first sue for a fake neck injury sustained from his actions as well as emotional distress and whatever else his billboard lawyer can dream up.

I hate when politicians drag out child diddlers as an excuse to not have security and privacy.  Child diddlers drive cars and eat at restaurants.  Better ban them too.

Fly only first/business and you rarely have the problem of children.

Thank you for making me bust out laughing loudly during this meeting I should be paying attention to instead.

He was impeached but not convicted.