I got pulled over on a two-lane highway in the middle of nowhere Missouri on Easter Sunday this year. I was going 80 in a 60. Evidently that section of the highway was in the jurisdiction of a small town. It was that town’s officer that pulled me over. Below is what I can remember word for word of our conversation:

That’s why I keep my Royals season tickets in left field every year. Every time the ball comes my way when the Royals are at bat I yell “I got it!”. It’s never once worked. But someday it could! Of course the Royals would have to actually hit the ball first, which is exceedingly difficult for them to do this year.

Number one: If the moving company is going to pack the van like that in the picture, hire a different moving company.

2009 CTS.

As a former Tercel owner I suspect he must have ordered the luxury trim. I don’t think mine even came with any suspension, let alone one made of wood.

Had the retractile screen in a Cadillac. Hated it.

That thing ruins a beautiful interior.

I’ve bitched about that for years. Seams like that is the direction luxury cars go and it looks stupid.

Gah! Had me until the dash. Automakers, stop it with the fugly ass last-second-add-on-looking tablet like displays slapped on the dashboard. WTF is wrong with a nice seamless built-in look?

Back when I was just a wee lad I was a huge Twins fan living in the middle of Iowa. Kellogg’s ran a promotion where if you ate so many boxes of cereal you could redeem the UPCs for a baseball ticket for your favorite team. Seeing as there were six people in the house I had to eat a lot of cereal. And that is what I…

OK, if that’s the truth then great. I retract my statement. Maybe, as others have suggested, clearly state so at some point in the article. Especially since the first thing I see on this article is:

OK, if that’s the truth then great. I retract my statement. Maybe, as others have suggested, clearly state so at…

True, but those brands didn’t pay for this article.

True, but those brands didn’t pay for this article.

You think any politician, on either side, gives a shit about the causes behind their lapel pins? No, they only care about your vote and the money they can get with it.

Auto companies will market the shit out of your driving habits to show you personalized billboards along your route.

Maybe if they drove on the right side of the road this shit wouldn’t happen?

I get what you are saying and agree with you. Very large corporations are quick to not give a shit. I happen to work for such a corporation. But then I think about the charitable things that my coworkers and I do, some company sponsored, some not. I’d like to think that as a corporation, Chevron didn’t give a shit…

I know that guy. He was a fellow Hawmeye!

It’s that brown person called Juan that comes over twice a week to manicure the lawn. And why on earth would I stick my hand in him, especially while he is running?

What planet are you living on? Maybe it was that way 40 years ago, but today the largest publications and news channels are the most biased sources of information you can find. They openly flaunt their lack of objectivity too.

How about a comment on dickbag person recording who suddenly doesn’t know how to hold a camera upright after getting out of the car? If you aren’t going to take care to record something watchable then shut the fucking camera off.