I was waiting for the honey shot, very disappointed.

Jar Jar Binks wakes up in his bedroom, turns to Suzanne Pleshette and says, “You-sa wont be believin’ the crazy dream meesa just had!”

You heard the man, people: do not, under any circumstances, like, share, retweet or discuss any Deadspin articles, no matter how much you may have enjoyed them, lest they gain goodwill without proper payment. And need I remind you that they are owned by a multibillion-dollar company?! I can’t quite articulate why that…

I don’t care how fancy he is, dogs usually don’t live for much more than 16 years.

Obviously the scientists are misogynists. They didn’t name the dinosaur after a character from Feig’s female-centric reboot of Ghostbusters.

Could it be that chickens have just been feathered dragons this whole time?

That, or President!

You don’t owe your company shit. Take your time off. If they can’t find someone to fill your role while you’re gone that’s entirely their problem. If they threaten to fire you for taking the time off then you shouldn’t want to work for them anyway as they apparently do not respect you or your personal life.

Back in college, Greg Oden would win these races all by himself.

What will this mean for Hasenpfeffer incorporated?

Well, WNBA voting is done by fan balloting. In addition to a mother and father, Schimmel has a sister, so that’s usually enough votes to push through.

If you rearrange the letters and leave out a lot of them and add an extra W, it says “I played for Washington in game two.”

What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? I bet you find it really difficult to believe I can hold this point of view and be a rape victim, but you also know better than to do anything other than “listen and believe”.

I’ve gone through a lot of shit in my life. By far, the most traumatic thing I have ever witnessed in my…

See the guy there WAS RAPED if he never would had had sex with the woman if she wasn’t wearing birth control. So comparing rape to rape seems valid to me.

P.S. I’m a rape victim (and no, not the “someone tried to kiss me once”, the forced to have unwanted, never consensual intercourse kind). Don’t dictate to me what I…

I had a recent conversation with a female coworker who had stopped taking birth control pills and hadn’t told her partner. She wanted a child, and she wasn’t including her boyfriend in on that decision. While it doesn’t include an increase in risk of HIV or other STIs, it does change what her boyfriend had…

okay, just for you

So that is why you unionized. To demand a pancake machine.

Westbrook attempted 371 more shots than Andrew Wiggins, who attempted the second most shots in the league this season.

Probably has to do with South Africa being in the Southern Hemisphere, like how the toilets flush the other way.

Are polygraphs inadmissible because they produce too many false positives? If so, then unless he’s a sociopath or a quick study in how to produce a false negative, it’s less of a concern than it being used by authorities to deprive somebody of their liberty. It’s the Raiders’ ass, after all, if they blow a 1st round…