Like, why the fuck would she leave her couch there?

I'm glad that I'm not the only one that fucking hates those NFL domestic violence commercials/PSAs. The whole sentiment of the thing is buried under a steaming pile of bad acting. They might as well have Rob Lowe and Wife Beating Rob Lowe if they reeeealy want to trivialize things.

The idea that the Bears' defense is filled with functional alcoholics does explain their performance this season.

It's possible that he was still drunk from the night before. That's a normal thing if you drink enough. Or he could have woken up and realized he was still on the Bears and started drinking again.

Swift's life has been spiralling downwards for awhile now. It looks like it may have finally reached the bottom.

I was an extreme opiate addict a long while back. I understand his desperation, his lack of ability to make sound decisions. I hope he finally gets the help he so desperately needs.

Here is the getaway car:

Its like getting robbed by a unicorn. A unicorn that sucks at basketball.

I dunno. Ask your boner.

Unfortunately, I was watching the game live as I do with most Bruins games and Edwards was the most insufferable I've ever heard him. That's saying something. Well into the 3rd period with the game completely out of reach and the Bruins down 6-2, Edwards was still going OFF about the ruling. In comic form his…

Congrats on landing Harbaugh.

And then he pulls his pipe out?

I laughed, then I thought about the rape allegations, the crab legs, the total lack of self awareness and accountability...

When the potion was given to Cam Newton, he promptly hit the three wheel motion.

Not Seminole Fluid?

"Horny juice. Nicole liked to call me that from time to time. When she wasn't being murdered."

I'm all for the convenience, but I was kinda looking forward to the whole "jerk it in a designated medical jerking room" situation.

"Your townie cousin who will only drink Miller High Life"

This is the most Massachusetts thing ever to appear in Drunkspin.

I agree with the cops here. There are absolutely no laws (at least that I'm aware of) that allow freedom of speech in this country. I mean, the entire reason this nation was founded was because we wanted those in authority to act without discretion or be subjected to the views of the people. I'm like 87% sure on this

Get in line. The Browns owe everyone an apology.