He did not throw away his shot.

That’s literally just a lyric from one of the songs (where she wishes her partner would quit his job as a hollywood agent and become an english teacher like he always dreamed). The character of Rosie is a shrewd businesswoman who doesn’t take racist shit from her POS mother-in-law and demands credit for the work she…

it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

Trump does not merely grab pussies. HE DESTROYS BUSHES!

Nicholas Sparks is at this very moment bringing a lawsuit against the wedding planner for intellectual property infringement, claiming this was “future” intellectual property.

D’oh Canada

There were, but we traded PK Subban to Nashville.

Those same people who love to whine about the Electoral College (“but whyyyy can’t it just be one person, one vote”) lean heavily on its existence to allow them to vote with their precious consciences instead of their fucking brains.

this was delightful and anyone that disagrees is grossly wrong and should never speak to me again

Muhammad Ali’s death has no place in a dirt bag.

Today is my first day back at work after maternity leave and everyone is asking if I’m okay and if I’ve cried and I want yell, “FREEDOM IS MINE, AT LAST,” at all of them but I feel like that would make me seem like a bad mom. Newborns are BORING, no matter how adorable they are! I got to eat my breakfast with two…

Jon Lovitz once punched Andy Dick at a bar so he's always gonna be awesome in my book

Say Yes to Distress

Loser has to settle for the Morgan Stanley internship this summer.

I rip off a piece of the box and say, “Get me more of these.” He can’t get my takeout order right a lot of the time, but he always comes back with the correct feminine hygiene products.

Edited to add: Oh, one time Target was out of my brand so he called from the aisle to ask if “super absorbency” and “ultra absorbency”…

Again not saying racism doesn’t exist. But I do wonder if blacks have told themselves that they are oppressed so much that they begin to believe those thoughts.

It’s so frustrating. He’s the only one on the Republican side that I can be like “alright, fair enough” and then he says/does something so misogynistic that I’m just like “no. No. Not happening. Stop.”

That’s the ideal outcome. Such a rich tapestry to draw on, nothing needs to be reinvented.