Everyone clicked on this because they thought they were gonna see a nip slip

I did that in Vegas once. I had to be at a convention at noon, but was out til 5am at least the night before. Wake up at 11:45am still drunk. Jump in the shower, but decide to lay down. When I woke up at 5pm, I was a prune!

For the last two weeks I’ve been squeezing a glob of toothpaste directly from the tube into my mouth and spreading it across the teeth evenly with my tongue before polishing it all off with a wet toothbrush. I have no idea what possessed me to start doing this, but I was definitely not sober. Should I be murdered?

Growing up in WA State, my buddy and I used to get drunk and chop down huge evergreens with a hand axe (super safe). Please tell your future kids that this is an unsafe and dangerous hobby.

Ronaldo lasts 5 seconds before losing the ball. While referee’s back is turned, Ronaldo kicks the dog in the ribs while he is lying on ground whining about lack of a card being shown to dog. In 3 seconds, pit bull rips out Ronaldo’s trachea. Crowd cheers. Dog wins Ballon d’Or.

Clearly, the approximate 8,000 daily calories consumed by a Tour de France rider are spread out

Hot take: Lloyd more clutch than Messi