Joe Thomas crawled to retirement through 10,000 snaps of shit-smelling foulness I can’t even imagine- or maybe I just don’t want to. 10,000 snaps...that’s 11 seasons. Just north of a decade. Joe Thomas, who crawled through a river of shit and found himself still in a river of shit on the other side.

But does he utilize naturally occurring gymnastics equipment to win the most dangerous game so the US can place a missile launching facility in a foreign country?

Guy Fieri invited me to his mansion for an evening of light entertainment and fine spirits. When I arrived I found that he had invited five other guests, all of us complete strangers to each other. We dined on the greasiest burgers money could buy, and then Guy Fieri excused himself and left the six of us…

When asked for comment about Elliot, Goodell stated the following:

Back when he was still with the Eagles (maybe 08 or 09), I ran into Andy Reid at Home Depot once. He was incredibly nice. It was in early September and the Eagles were getting ready to start the season. There is a Home Depot in South Philly. About 2 miles from the Linc. He is pretty easy to spot. So I went over…

It’s amazing the Seahawks still seem emotionally scarred after Super Bowl 49. It’s been a few years now.

Covfefe’s Law.

You’ve really got to stop trying to fuck Cousins like that.

I think 16-0 is more impressive.

What percentage of people masturbate for the last time realizing they are doing so?

I like it (Seasons 1 - 7 anyway). It’s not like it’s an amazing emmy-worthy show or anything, but it’s not bad. Sometimes you just need some filler. Here’s an example from my life: I’m 38, married with two kids. We finally get the kids to bed and asleep somewhere between 9:00 and 9:30. We don’t let the kids watch TV,…

Suddenly, a wild hip hop appeared!

Do they give him extra protein slurry on they days he has his yearly fellatio appointment with an NFL executive?

Truth. I’m more of a cake sadist because my favorite is carrot cake with cream cheese frosting.

No. 12 - Mack The

What an asshole.