Also, as a native Marylander I have to point out that simply mentioning Old Bay in the header and not in the list itself is not good enough, and therefore you are now my sworn enemy.

Make a few pans of mac & cheese, throw on some collards, fry up some chicken, and turn your crib into a “Repast” pop-up.

I’m honestly as tired as the “John McCain was a terrible terrible person who no one should say nice things about” pieces as the “John McCain was last of a rare and noble breed of American statesmen” pieces. Dude died just yesterday, and in my universe, it’s still poor manners to interrupt other people’s mourning with…

“Say what you will about Hitler, but at least he killed Hitler.”

I’m sorry about your circumstances too, you didn’t HAVE to have 4 kids.  Back of the line.

What does that even mean? That your compassion only extends as far as your kids and their needs? This isn’t a Zero sum game. All government social projects need more funding. It’s like the people that say, well I’m not going to worry about welfare til vets are taken care of. No, we need to take care of both at the…

“Why can’t my dog sit just outside the restaurant patio?”

UPDATE: The NFL has fined Ramsey for targeting defenseless players.

Yes. That’s the solution. Stop talking about the most powerful man in the world. If we just ignore him, he’ll go away.

As my friend once said, “the primaries are for me, the generals are for society as a whole.”

It certainly looks like expectations have been raised this season. This year the Browns might actually be expected to practice.

Best final stage? American Gladiators (original) or GTFO. Just an endless barrage of semi-fit people getting mutilated by the best of 1980's roid rage.

Ben McAdoo looks like you cut off the head of a pedophile, that is now 3/4 of the way to growing its new head.

The NFL should put out this video to explain the new helmet rule

This is me. I am pushing 44 years old. I have yelled racist slurs at people exactly zero times.

Don’t you put this on Gandalf’s unreliable ass. All he ever did was be a shitty friend and die. 

Texas Roadhouse? That reminds me of a story...

Thank God the Vikings finally have somebody hip and young to connect with their fans.

Q: Why do you think you were chosen for this role, as opposed to someone more qualified or experienced?