Falling down a well is a better fate than actually playing for the Browns though.

Still true. 

Couple of tricks to get someone to move their car when it’s parked outside of your home everyday.

So people here might be wondering how this was actually done.

“But Obama...”

To be fair, I was raised on TV, junk food and crappy plastic toys, and look at me now—world-renowned internet commenter!

DHS Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen: “Can you be more specific?

It also does this..

It’ll be hard for the NCAA to argue, since its entire business model is based on fucking the student-athletes.

Bad luck on that spin. Now the question is will he accept his 3 games or risk doubling it for a chance at a clean slate in the Fire Pit?

Two’s company, three’s a crowd

Scientists tell us that an alligator will not observe you until later; whereas a crocodile will do so after a while.

You wouldn’t think so, but teenagers are eating detergent packets “for the lolz” so at this point everything is fair game.

Pretty sure this isn’t how direct injection works

It will rise again...just give it like 20 minutes.

Split the difference, adopt the Penix as a mascot:

Thank you for forcing that Garoppolo trade against coach Belichicks wishes Mr. Kraft, it looks like I owe you a favor

When I was a kid, people in my parent’s generation were immediately suspicious of anything that came from the internet. “Don’t meet anyone from the internet in real life!” “You can’t believe that, it’s just on the internet!”

I feel like the Dolphins are the Sonic Youth of the NFL. They sell more merchandise than they have fans.